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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27167377">Love across my mind</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mkhhhx/pseuds/mkhhhx'>mkhhhx</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol, And they were coworkers, Domestic, Feelings, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Idiots in Love, M/M, Overworking, Post-Break Up, Recreational Drug Use, Road Trips, Shameless Smut, Shotgunning, Switching, a sprinkle of exhibitionism, aka weed, lots of those, side markhyuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:26:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,607</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27167377</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mkhhhx/pseuds/mkhhhx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Johnny could never be a one time thing. For Doyoung, Johnny was a lifetime thing. He knew it back when they were together, he knew it when they were apart and he knows it now, too.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Suh Youngho | Johnny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>166</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Love across my mind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The biggest thank you to <a href="https://twitter.com/ohsunwrites">ohsun</a> who was a great help by betaing and also to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaerinsthighs">nef</a> who read through and gave some helpful insight! :D</p>
<p>Just to be safe, there is a very brief mention of implied homophobia in the fic, but it's nothing major or significant.</p>
<p>The title is taken from SuperM's "Big chance" and the whole fic was written almost while listening exclusively to One. Originally this was supposed to be a 2k pwp, but johndo had other plans, so I hope you all enjoy &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Doyoung?”  </p>
<p>Doyoung slowly turns around on his stool mid-sip, brain going haywire to the sound of a familiar voice he hasn’t heard in way too long. He momentarily wonders if this is his tipsy mind playing tricks on him.</p>
<p>“Johnny?” Doyoung stares. Johnny is less than three feet away in flesh and bone, all the almost two meters of him, clad in a gray suit.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Johnny says softly. The stools next to Doyoung’s are both occupied so Johnny stands there awkwardly, one hand in his pants pocket and the other holding some cocktail. “Still on the marketing team?”</p>
<p>“I’m the chief marketing officer now,” Doyoung lifts his glass in a silent toast. “What about you? What brings you here?”</p>
<p>“I got called back,” Johnny slowly swings from one side to the other to the tune of the music playing and from the slight blush on his cheeks Doyoung knows he must be getting a little tipsy too. “Came back to Seoul and to my old department about a month ago.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure the guys have missed you,” Doyoung smiles. Everyone in the company loves Johnny and he’s built himself the perfect reputation. Mr. Work hard and Play Harder. Doyoung is sure the whole building missed him when he got transferred to the U.S. branch of the company. Doyoung is also sure he missed Johnny more than everyone else combined.</p>
<p>“I’ve missed everyone too,” Johnny seems like he’s glowing, filled out so nicely and somehow even more handsome than Doyoung remembers him, which was already a lot. “I’m glad to be back.”</p>
<p>Doyoung looks at their co-workers all around: familiar faces, unfamiliar ones; chatting with each other, raiding the buffet or making fools of themselves on the dancefloor. He looks back at Johnny, something shifting into the pit of his stomach. Maybe happiness filled with longing, maybe something else he cannot identify. The days he used to miss him so much it hurt are long gone, but something is still there, taking up space in the crevices of Doyoung’s heart and even if he knew he’d never really stop loving Johnny he wasn’t prepared to meet again, not like this, not at some bougy hotel rooftop in the middle of a company party.</p>
<p>Pretty similar to the very first time they met, his mind supplies, but he’s trying to concentrate on what is happening at that very moment.</p>
<p>He expects Johnny to turn around and go talk with someone else after his polite greetings but instead he stays there, nursing his drink in silence as if he’s contemplating his next words. Or maybe trying to extend the conversation for a little longer, but Doyoung might as well be projecting his own feelings. He looks at Johnny taking in every little thing. The short black hair, slicked back, the dark blue button down, fabric stretching across Johnny’s chest, Johnny’s lips, glistening with spit and alcohol.</p>
<p>“Hey Doyoung,” Johnny takes a tentative step after leaving his empty glass on the counter for a bartender to take. “Give me a dance?”</p>
<p>Doyoung lets out a small laugh. He wonders if Johnny remembers. Of course he does. There’s no way he doesn’t remember that these exact words were the first ones he said to Doyoung almost nine years ago.</p>
<p>Doyoung swallows down the last of his margarita and jumps off his stool, his hand out for Johnny to take.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Being in close proximity to Johnny like that and dancing together with the city lights stretching to infinity below them feels surreal to Doyoung. They are both a little clumsy, awkward at first but loosening up as one song ends and the next one starts. Doyoung had missed Johnny moving against him, tall and sturdy, radiating warmth; he welcomes the feeling like an old friend, allowing himself to lean into Johnny’s space.</p>
<p>They get some weird looks. From Taeyong, from Mark, from people Doyoung has never exchanged more than a couple words with, but all he sees is Johnny; Johnny’s stray strands of hair falling on his forehead, Johnny’s hand sliding down from Doyoung’s shoulders to his waist, Johnny’s strong cologne.</p>
<p>They don’t talk but Johnny is humming to the songs he knows, his lips stretched to a small smile and he looks so damn kissable that Doyoung is having a hard time reminding himself that Johnny is not his anymore. Not his to hold and smother with kisses and talk till the early hours of the night. When they are close like that it’s difficult to spot the differences from present Doyoung and Johnny to the Doyoung and Johnny of three something years ago. They used to dance a lot after all: at company parties, at clubs, at their living room with Johnny’s cat rubbing on their bare feet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Doyoung,” Johnny grins a little later, both of them worn out, leaning against the railing that overlooks the whole city with new drinks on their hands. “Doyoung.”</p>
<p>Doyoung laughs, way beyond tipsy now. He feels the cold air filling his lungs and Johnny’s eyes on him. He’s missed him. They didn’t have a lot of bad days, not really, but he’s missed the good ones so much. “Johnny.”</p>
<p>“I heard some rooms have jacuzzis,” Johnny lifts an eyebrow in a way Doyoung knows way too well. “Just saying.”</p>
<p>“Is that so?” Doyoung humours him. “That must be really nice.”</p>
<p>Johnny takes a sip and looks at the city, at the dark starless sky. His blazer and tie have been discarded somewhere and without them he looks even bigger, inviting. Doyoung knows where the night is heading and maybe sleeping with his ex is not the best choice, but his ex is Johnny, so it’s not the worst either.</p>
<p>“I was thinking of booking a room here tonight,” Johnny licks his lips. “My apartment is too far and I don’t work tomorrow anyway.”</p>
<p>“What a coincidence,” Doyoung takes a step and rests his hand on the small of Johnny’s back. “I don’t work tomorrow either.”</p>
<p>They both ignore the fact that all company parties happen on Friday nights.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The room Johnny books does have a jacuzzi, as promised. Said jacuzzi is also completely ignored after a brief look upon entering. As soon as the door shuts behind them they are all over each other, Johnny caging Doyoung against the wall of the corridor connecting the entrance, the bathroom and the main room.</p>
<p>“I’ve missed you,” Johnny mutters, lips against Doyoung as soft kisses turn deep and desperate. “I’ve missed you so much, Doyoung.”</p>
<p>“It’s not the time for this,” Doyoung knows it’s not the time for feelings. The feelings should be addressed sometime, probably, but certainly not at that very moment. He pulls Johnny closer by the hooks of his belt and crosses his arms behind Johnny’s neck. “Just take me to bed.”</p>
<p>The curtains are wide open and there’s a certain charm to the city watching them as they undress each other, Johnny’s big hands sending electricity down Doyoung’s spine with every little touch. They don’t rush and don’t get embarrassed by showing themselves to each other. They’ve done this countless of times before, so many that it’s almost second nature to press a kiss right below Johnny’s collarbone once the few first buttons of his shirt come undone. Doyoung knows what Johnny likes and Johnny knows how to give Doyoung what he needs.</p>
<p>The bed is soft underneath them when Johnny falls on his back and takes Doyoung down with him. Doyoung pulls on the collar of Johnny’s shirt, the last of their garments that is still on, although unbuttoned, trailing kisses. He mouths sloppily on Johnny’s neck and works his way lower, on Johnny’s sternum, the smooth wide expanse of his chest, down to his dark happy trail.</p>
<p>“Doie,” Johnny tilts his head to look at him through hooded eyes. He lifts a hand to caresses Doyoung’s head with a small smile. “God, Doyoung.”</p>
<p>Doyoung just spreads Johnny’s legs in response. He takes his time running his hands on the inside of Johnny’s thighs enjoying how soft the skin is there before he dives down to bite softly, lapping his tongue on the faint mark when Johnny starts squirming underneath him.</p>
<p>“You like that?” He asks, the saltiness of sweat on his tongue as he holds Johnny down by the hips peppering kisses around his navel.</p>
<p>“You know I do,” Johnny moans and his fingers on Doyoung’s hair start to pull. “Come on, Doyoung.”</p>
<p>“What do you want?” Doyoung takes Johnny’s growing cock into his hand and slowly licks a streak from the base to the top. “Tell me Johnny.”</p>
<p>“Anything,” Johnny shudders. “Anything you want to give me.”</p>
<p>And Doyoung wants to give him everything. Wants to take Johnny into his mouth until his own eyes are teary and Johnny is trembling. He’s a man on a mission.</p>
<p>He takes Johnny between his lips and watches him as he deflates back on the mattress with a pleased groan. Doyoung decides it’s a good time to let himself be sloppy. He’s aware of the saliva running down his chin and dripping on the sheets, of his own erection heavy between his legs, of how Johnny’s abs flex every time Doyoung takes him deeper.</p>
<p>“Back pocket,” Johnny mutters and Doyoung lets go of his cock to stare at him. “My pants, back pocket.” Something clicks. Of course Johnny would go around a company party with condoms and lube in his pockets. Always ready. Not that Doyoung has any reason to complain.</p>
<p>He retrieves the packs, Johnny whining for him to move faster in the few seconds he needs to spot the discarded pair of pants and get back on the bed and then they’re kissing again, Johnny’s hips grinding up onto him.</p>
<p>“Want me to do it?” Doyoung sits back on his knees pulling a pillow closer to him and taps Johnny’s hips to slide it underneath them.</p>
<p>“Mhm,” Johnny isn’t looking at him, but he looks blissful, his dark hair a mess against the white of the bed, the ghost of a smile on his lips.</p>
<p>There isn’t much lube but Doyoung makes it work just fine, first finger sliding in with ease to the knuckles and he entertains the idea of Johnny alone in his home, fingering himself. He wonders how many times Johnny jerked off thinking of him the past years. If it was as often as Doyoung did.</p>
<p>Johnny asks for more and Doyoung was never the one to deny him anything. The second digit meets some resistance but Doyoung guides Johnny through it with soft “Relax, baby,”s and a palm pressing down on Johnny’s stomach, right on the spot that feels so good it can make Johnny forget the burn of Doyoung’s fingers inside him.</p>
<p>“Want you,” Johnny finally says, lifting his arms blindly, trying to pull Doyoung down. “Want you to fill me up.”</p>
<p>“Don’t you want to open up a bit more?” Doyoung takes his fingers out and wipes them on the already ruined sheets giving himself a couple strokes, achingly hard by now.</p>
<p>“Want to feel you,” Johnny’s hands wrap around his forearms. “Come on Doyoung, come on.”</p>
<p>Doyoung takes his time putting the condom on himself. He remembers their previous time so clearly. The time he thought would be their last one. How Johnny had begged him to be rough, how he moaned Doyoung’s name until he was completely out of breath. How they had been so desperate for each other, only a couple of hours before Doyoung would drive them to the airport.</p>
<p>He kisses Johnny once more before he positions himself, feels how Johnny tenses up when he pushes inside slowly, how Johnny’s mouth goes slack when Doyoung bottoms out and slowly drags himself out to slam back with more force.</p>
<p>Doyoung goes by instinct from there. He kisses Johnny sloppily and licks on his neck, he let’s Johnny’s hands wander around his body shamelessly, rubbing his nipples, squishing his ass and pulling him closer, asking him to go faster. The slap of skin on skin echoes around the room along with their moans, Johnny’s gravelly voice pinching deliciously every time Doyoung angles himself just right.</p>
<p>“Fuck,” Johnny is leaking into his stomach, a small puddle of precum forming around his bellybutton. “You’re so sexy.”</p>
<p>Doyoung’s thrusts turn slow as he takes Johnny’s hands and pins them above his head. He knows Johnny wants to touch himself. He knows Johnny has the best orgasms when he comes untouched.</p>
<p>“Want you to come for me, baby,” Doyoung leans down, low enough to lick the shell of Johnny’s ear and his back is aching already but he can’t bring himself to care. “Come all over yourself for me, Johnny.”</p>
<p>That seems to do it along with Doyoung’s well calculated thrusts. Johnny comes hard and loud before he falls silent, his walls tight as he wraps his legs around Doyoung begging him to go as deep as it goes.</p>
<p>After that it doesn’t take long for Doyoung either, his orgasm building up fast until he’s coming in the condom, still buried and throbbing inside Johnny, thrusting in and out until oversensitivity kicks in for the both of them.</p>
<p>When he collapses next to Johnny it almost feels like a dream, like the moments between asleep and awake, lucid. Lying side by side on some hotel suite, muscles aching and the sheets between them a mess. They share a look, they share a kiss and Doyoung knows it’s a given they’ll share the bed for the rest of the night too. In a typical Johnny fashion, by the time Doyoung feels his limbs able to function again and gets up to fetch them some towels Johnny is already snoring.</p>
<p>Between waking up the next morning, headaches and sore backs and all, and calling room service for breakfast they do get to try the jacuzzi together too, the warm bubbly water doing wonders on strained muscles. The flowery complementary shampoo Doyoung finds on the tub’s side is as welcome as Johnny’s eager morning handjob and the room smells like a whole blooming meadow when they make out against the desk, distracting each other from getting dressed.</p>
<p>And when Doyoung calls a taxi to go back home around noon having bid Johnny his goodbyes he can’t help but wonder if the past hours were just a one time thing for the sake of old times. Can’t help but hope that they could really give themselves a second chance.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It turns out it’s not really a one time thing. Johnny could never be a one time thing. For Doyoung, Johnny was a lifetime thing. He knew it back when they were together, he knew it when they were apart and he knows it now, too.</p>
<p>For a while after the company party nothing seems to change. Everything remains static. Doyoung goes to work, goes to the gym, returns home to cook dinner. Casual, a little lonely, the works. And then, one rainy Thursday morning about a week and a half after the party he hears commotion outside his office.</p>
<p>“I’m here for Kim Doyoung,” the very familiar voice says. “I want to see the CMO.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?” Doyoung’s secretary answers and Doyoung can very clearly envision Donghyuck’s smirk. “Have you arranged a meeting with him? He’s very booked and busy these days.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure he could find some time for me,” Johnny says. Johnny always adored Donghyuck. Donghyuck always adored Johnny too, but Doyoung doesn’t want the current conversation to drag on for the sake of upkeeping everyone’s professional image.</p>
<p>Doyoung kicks his door open. “The CMO can see Mr. Suh now,” he says. Johnny looks three seconds away from bursting out in laughter and Donghyuck seems exceptionally amused. Doyoung stares at the half-finished minesweeper game on Donghyuck’s monitor but decides he has more urgent matters to attend than his secretary and best friend slacking off.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” Johnny says and Doyoung almost faints when he realizes he’s holding a bouquet. “Thank you for having me, Mr. Kim.”</p>
<p>“Come inside,” Doyoung mutters. Taeyong from the opposite side of the room whistles and Doyoung shuts the door behind them with a little more force than necessary. Having an office space to himself balances out all the fuckton of extra responsibilities he has as the chief of the marketing department.</p>
<p>“To what I owe the pleasure?” Doyoung skilfully ignores the flowers Johnny leaves on his desk between stacks upon stacks of files and papers. He also ignores how good Johnny looks in his pink shirt. The shirt Doyoung got him for his twenty sixth birthday.</p>
<p>“I missed you.” Johnny smiles. “I can’t believe we work at the same place and don’t even see each other.”</p>
<p>“John,” Doyoung taps the desk. “John, we need to talk, right?”</p>
<p>Johnny sobers up and his smile falters.</p>
<p>“Right now?” Johnny asks, staring at the door and then back at Doyoung.</p>
<p>“It’s not a good time and place,” Doyoung wonders how he’ll be able to sneak the flowers out of the office without Taeyong making unnecessary snarky comments. “Are you free on the weekend? Let’s have a coffee and catch up.”</p>
<p>“Sunday morning?” Johnny has his expensive Parker pen tucked in his breast pocket. His hair is shorter than it used to be some years ago. His smile lines are deeper. “Our usual place?”</p>
<p>“Ten sounds good,” Doyoung agrees. “Our usual place.”</p>
<p>Johnny gets up but he looks reluctant to go. He seems fidgety although he was never the type to get anxious over little things, that was Doyoung’s domain.</p>
<p>“What is it?” Doyoung asks. He wants Johnny to lean down and kiss him, painfully so. It’s an improper thought and they’re at an improper place to have this thought. Maybe on Sunday, maybe he can get a kiss.</p>
<p>“You are not seeing anyone, right?” Johnny’s shoulders drop. He looks small between the walls of Doyoung’s office.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t sleep with you if I were,” Doyoung says, simply.</p>
<p>“Right.” Johnny nods. “Right, of course.”</p>
<p>“Is that all?” Doyoung has work piling up. He has meetings to attend later in the day. He can’t afford thinking of Johnny the whole time.</p>
<p>“I’m not seeing anyone either,” Johnny says. “Haven’t dated anyone in years, actually.”</p>
<p>Doyoung gets up from his desk. He gives Johnny his most comforting smile because it’s really not the time and place, but he knows Johnny, he knows he’s worried over something, whatever this something might be. But it really is not a good time.</p>
<p>“I’ll see you on Sunday, Johnny.” He gently coaxes him to walk the few steps to the door. “Have a great day, Mr. Suh.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Johnny says when the door is open and Donghyuck is staring at them thinking they won’t notice. “Have a good day too, Mr. Kim.”</p>
<p>Doyoung only lets himself breathe again when he’s back home. He has been tense all day, thoughts of what Johnny was implying and what he was asking for overpowering everything else. His fingers itch to message him, message Johnny about anything, just to talk, but he holds himself back. He resists calling one of his friends and venting out through the phone too. He wants to talk with Johnny first, wants to know where they stand and where they will go from there. Wants to confirm that Johnny has missed him as much as Doyoung did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sunday morning feels like a dream. Doyoung’s feet know the way very well, the way to the small café he and Johnny had their first date and celebrated each and every anniversary afterwards. It’s a tiny thing tucked between a clothing chain store and a restaurant and it’s simple and functional, but Doyoung adores it nonetheless. He hasn’t visited in quite some time but the old lady behind the counter still remembers him, giving him her warmest smile. “Your boy is there,” she tells him, Johnny seated at one of the booths reading through the renewed menu. If Doyoung visited alone on their anniversary date a year after he and Johnny broke up, that’s only between Doyoung and her.</p>
<p>“Will you bring our usuals?” He asks, Johnny’s eyes now on him. The other few scattered customers talking between themselves or on their phones, not paying them any attention.</p>
<p>“Of course,” she smiles warmly and Doyoung can pretend nothing changed. Johnny never left for the States and they’re having their usual date.</p>
<p>But Johnny looks slightly different and Doyoung knows he has changed the past couple years too. There is a hint of awkwardness between them when he slides in the booth across from Johnny and remembers how they always used to sit side by side. Maybe they can get there again. Maybe they’ll go somewhere else, somewhere even better.</p>
<p>“Doyoung,” Johnny’s smile is wide. He’s wearing jeans and a simple grey sweater and he looks like the most handsome man Doyoung has ever seen. “How are you?”</p>
<p>It’s not a question about work or about his day. Doyoung knows it’s something more, something significant.</p>
<p>“I’ve been good,” Doyoung answers, truthfully. He’s past the time when he cried himself to sleep and worked himself to exhaustion and struggled to not call Johnny’s number just to hear his voice. He eventually found his balance and a sense of normal again. The kind of normal where he pretended the empty side of the bed didn’t bother him too much every morning. “I’ve been really good.”</p>
<p>“I’m glad to hear that,” Johnny says. “I’ve been well too. I was really happy to see you.” Doyoung wants to say that ‘happy to see you’ sounds like a bit of understatement but he’s trying to assess the situation. Above everything he just hates them trying to tiptoe around the conversation that’s inevitably coming.</p>
<p>“Do you wanna skip the small talk?” Doyoung wants to hold Johnny’s hand that’s restless on the table. So he does and Johnny’s shoulders instantly relax.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Johnny leans over the table after their drinks and cake arrive. “Please.”</p>
<p>“Are we on the same page?” Doyoung asks, relishing the feeling of warm coffee down his throat. “If we are, is it sane and wise to be on that same page?”</p>
<p>“Doyoung, I never stopped thinking about you.” Johnny takes his coffee iced, even in the middle of winter. “When I was called back I was so scared.”</p>
<p>“Scared of what?” Doyoung missed Johnny like crazy, but he wasn’t scared, not even for a moment. Not over anything. He knew life would find a way or another, either with Johnny in the picture or not.</p>
<p>“Scared of seeing you with someone else.” Johnny’s hand is shaking slightly in Doyoung’s. “I know that’s selfish to say, but I kind of-“ Doyoung runs circles over Johnny’s hand with his thumb. “I couldn’t move on from you, from us. It was just work in the States and little of anything else.”</p>
<p>“You never called.” Doyoung isn’t accusatory. He never called either, but Johnny was the one to end things between them, so Doyoung couldn’t justify himself calling.</p>
<p>“I didn’t want to keep you waiting for me. For a long time I didn’t even know when or if I would come back.”</p>
<p>Doyoung thinks of what he thought would be their very last call back then. Johnny was sobbing at the other end of the line and Doyoung was crying silently too. “I can’t ask you to wait for me,” Johnny had told him and Doyoung wanted to fight him, he wanted to scream and make Johnny scream back, but he was too tired. The call was a very brief one.</p>
<p>“But now you are back,” Doyoung smiles and he knows life is giving them a second chance for a reason. “Let’s start again.”</p>
<p>“Start from where?” Johnny asks and there’s a hint of a smile on his lips.</p>
<p>“From the very start, of course.” Doyoung would go for a handshake, but he doesn’t want to stop holding Johnny’s hand. “I’m Kim Doyoung, thirty-four years old. I work in marketing.”</p>
<p>“Johnny Suh,” Johnny giggles and his chest vibrates. “I am thirty-five and I work as an engineer, nice to meet you.”</p>
<p>“Let’s date,” Doyoung says quietly, almost whispers. “Take me on dates, Johnny Suh.”</p>
<p>“I would take you to the end of the world if you asked, Kim Doyoung.”</p>
<p>Their drinks are on the house.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>There are two facts that Doyoung knows first-hand: Johnny never goes back on his word and Johnny has taken Doyoung to the best dates of his life. It’s only fair that Doyoung lets him keep his strike.</p>
<p>They agree on weekend dates every week. Keep it up for half a month, a total of three times. Then Johnny turns up to his office on a Tuesday afternoon just as Doyoung is about to leave work and takes him ice skating. Later that night, when Doyoung drives Johnny back to his apartment they have their second first kiss, warm and a little uncomfortable in the car.</p>
<p>It’s the <em>goodbye</em> kind of kiss, the <em>see you soon</em> kind of kiss, the <em>promise you more kisses</em>, kiss. Doyoung didn’t remember Johnny’s lips to be that soft and he spends the rest of the week waiting for their next date, knowing he’ll get to try them again.</p>
<p>He has been happy without Johnny, by himself, of course he has. But he thinks he’s the happiest when they are together. Sharing the biggest bucket of popcorn at the cinema watching an animated movie. Walking hand in hand at the park and kissing on a bench after feeding the ducks. Sending flowers to each other at work and getting lunch together at the engineering floor balcony. Doyoung looks up at Johnny and realizes he could never stop loving him, even if he tried, even if he thought he was successful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come back to mine?” Johnny asks. It’s too late, the sky already getting dark and it’s snowing. Doyoung had to stay overtime to finish a batch of work and Johnny waited for him. “I know we said we’ll go for a walk but I think you’re too tired.”</p>
<p>“Will you make me dinner?” Doyoung feels the exhaustion on his bones. Maybe it’s not the perfect time to step into Johnny’s new apartment for the first time, maybe he could offer going back to his place, but Johnny looks at him with expectant eyes and Doyoung’s heart skips a bit.</p>
<p>“Your favourite.” Johnny offers and Doyoung cups his face for a kiss before they fetch their coats.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Doyoung cries that night. Cries like he hasn’t done in years, but it’s all happy tears. He cries because Johnny’s apartment is unfamiliar, but the moment he steps in a very familiar mess of soft fur and green eyes runs to his feet meowing loudly. He’s missed Fae almost as much as Johnny.</p>
<p>“My favourite girl,” Doyoung picks her up and holds her against his chest feeling how loudly she pours. “I’ve missed you.” He feels tears running down his cheeks and Johnny’s thumbs come to dry them away.</p>
<p>“She missed you too,” Johnny kisses the top of his head. “She missed you as much as I did.”</p>
<p>Doyoung pretends he doesn’t see how Johnny’s eyes get watery too as they get started on dinner.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They don’t fall back into their past habits, but it’s close. They lived together in Doyoung’s house before Johnny left. Had to share the rent that Doyoung can now pay just fine on his own and although it’s too soon to move in together again they keep spending afternoons after work at one apartment or the other. They take it slow. They keep it up with the dates. They cook for each other and play videogames on Johnny’s old consoles because Doyoung can’t work the newer ones.</p>
<p>Monday evenings find Doyoung getting hot chocolate with Johnny and Friday nights find them at bars, Johnny flirting like he’s twenty and has never seen a man as beautiful as Doyoung ever before. And then Sunday mornings -these are Doyoung’s favourites- find him at Johnny’s apartment again, clad in a shirt too loose, rolling on the floor and playing with Fae as Johnny makes breakfast for them with the radio playing soft tunes in the background.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So this is the Johnny effect,” Taeyong says, a smile too wide and his eyes honest as he cups Doyoung’s face giving him an once over before pecking his cheek. “You’re literally radiating happiness, Doie.”</p>
<p>“Oh, shut up,” Doyoung laughs, stirring his coffee. He feels so good and it’s only natural other people can see it too.</p>
<p>“He’s right,” Donghyuck says. “Your cheeks are so full again.”</p>
<p>Doyoung is afraid Donghyuck will publicly bite him -has happened before-, but the youngster doesn’t. “Johnny cooks a lot for me lately.” He pats his stomach. “I’ve put on weight.”</p>
<p>“You look really good.” Taeyong says. “Would totally hit on you if you weren’t like, taken for your next three lifetimes.”</p>
<p>Doyoung feels himself blushing but for once doesn’t try to stop his friends. They are right. He’s happy and he looks happy. He is allowed to feel everything. He’s past the state of repressing himself or being embarrassed for being a sap. And also it should be noted that Johnny loves his full cheeks so Doyoung is determined to keep them soft just for Johnny’s kisses.</p>
<p>He feels good too right there, at a small coffee shop with his friends. No more gentle questions of whether he’s found a boy or girl. No more “Dejun from accounting asked for your number, he’s such a nice guy.” Doyoung dated a few people after the breakup and it wasn’t a disaster, but it didn’t quite work either. He had a good time; they were nice girls and guys for the most part but he just couldn’t commit to it. So he broke it off time after time and his friends, not knowing when or whether Johnny would come back were getting progressively worried over his workaholic antics and him turning down people without giving them a chance.</p>
<p>Light catches on Donghyuck’s golden ring and Doyoung remembers that other people’s happiness should be celebrated, too.</p>
<p>“Can’t believe Mark finally did it,” he says, taking Donghyuck’s hand to have a good look. They didn’t usually hang out so early in the week since they saw each other at work all the time anyway, but Donghyuck’s engagement called for an emergency coffee outing.</p>
<p>“You should have heard him on the phone when he was waiting for Donghyuck at the restaurant,” Taeyong laughs. Doyoung was never close to Mark, but he really liked him since he has been nothing but wonderful to Donghyuck the past years. “I think he was about to pee himself, he almost paid for his water and ran away.”</p>
<p>“I knew something was up because we usually just go to the chicken place down the street and call it a day, you know?” Donghyuck giggles. “He was sweating so much, he had sweat stains on his shirt, guys.” Donghyuck momentarily looks like he’s about to sob, but he smiles softly instead. “I’ve never loved anyone so fucking much and I don’t know when the wedding is gonna happen but you better believe it’s gonna be the best event of the year.”</p>
<p>“I can’t wait to see half our co-workers shit-faced while you French-kiss Mark in front of your ten-story cake,” Taeyong says, stealing Doyoung’s last cheesecake bite. Like Donghyuck he’s too cute and knows he can get away with practically everything.</p>
<p>Doyoung asks about the proposal. He lets Donghyuck gush out about Mark and then makes fun of them with Taeyong. He purposely ignores the nagging feeling and the little reminder. The little velvet box tucked at the very back of his closet, untouched ever since its purchase. He wonders if it’ll still fit Johnny.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Back in the states my mum used to ask about you every time we met for lunch or coffee,” Johnny is smiling into the crook of Doyoung’s nape. “She’s met you what, three times? And she adores you so much.”</p>
<p>“Is that why you like me, too?” Doyoung is too comfy being the small spoon on the couch, warm and cosy with Johnny draped over his back and Fae on top of them. “You were always mama’s boy.”</p>
<p>Johnny gives him a little giggle, playing with Doyoung’s hair.</p>
<p>“I called her the next morning after we broke up,” Fae is purring and Johnny spares her some pets too. “I was crying the whole time and when she got me to calm down she told me I’m an idiot.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Doyoung’s parents have been out of the picture for years so it was difficult to imagine having a family as accepting as Johnny’s, but he had also seen first-hand how close Johnny was with his mother and how he would confide in her even at times he wouldn’t want to talk to anybody else.</p>
<p>“She was right, I knew she was right and I swear to god, Doyoung, right after I pushed that fucking end call button with you at the other end of the line I knew I had made my biggest mistake.”</p>
<p>Doyoung knows there’s no use crying over spilled milk. But he also knows Johnny needs to talk. They both need to talk everything out just so there won’t be any leftover feelings from the past years hanging between them.</p>
<p>“Were you the one who asked to be transferred back to Korea?” Doyoung has thought about it. He remembers reading through Johnny’s contract for the American branch and how it was supposed to last a minimum of five years, with the possibility of an extension. He remembers because Johnny had told him they’ll survive the five years apart and when he’d come back right after, they would get married.</p>
<p>“Not exactly.” Johnny embraces Doyoung’s middle, like Doyoung is gonna fly away at any moment. “When we were apart I was sad, but after I ended things I was absolutely miserable.”</p>
<p>Doyoung turns around, a hand cupping Johnny’s cheek, a thumb pressing soft circles.</p>
<p>“I was working way more than usual. Damn I think I was doing almost eighty hours per week for a while, but the quality of my work wasn’t good.” Johnny has always been one of the company’s lead employees and engineers. Back in Korea he had his own team, he overlooked projects, he was given a lot of freedom because the upper ups trusted him. But from the few details Doyoung picked up Johnny went back down the professional ladder as soon as he stepped at the States. “They could have easily fired me back then, but I think my manager realized what was going on.”</p>
<p>“He talked with my department head here and they made arrangements for me to come back to my old duties. Joked that my potential was being wasted because I was too homesick.”</p>
<p>“Weren’t you?” Doyoung kisses Johnny’s nose. Watches how his eyes close for a moment and open again, the warmest shade of brown behind his reading glasses.</p>
<p>“I was Doiesick,” Johnny laughs, but he hugs Doyoung again and holds him there, on the crowded little couch. Doyoung thinks that if fate worked so hard for them, maybe now they can really promise each other infinity.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mr. Kim,” Donghyuck knocks on his door and opens after the vaguely affirming grunting sound Doyoung makes. “Your man is here to see you.”</p>
<p>“Do you mean Mr. Suh from the engineering department with whom I have a very important meeting over the details of our latest marketing campaign for the company’s new car model?” Doyoung half-shouts and doesn’t dare meet Taeyong’s eyes. Johnny is standing behind Donghyuck’s desk, giggling like crazy.</p>
<p>“Nah,” Donghyuck minimizes the solitaire on his screen. “Pretty sure I mean the love of your life, but if you enjoy discussing company projects as a form of foreplay I won’t judge.”</p>
<p>Doyoung doesn’t have the patience to bite back knowing Donghyuck has an infinite amount of comebacks up his sleeves so he just shakes his head in disapproval and waves Johnny inside.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe he’s getting married.” Doyoung slumps on his chair. “He’s still like, fifteen.” He sips from his almost forgotten lukewarm coffee. “Remember when he was a scared little intern? I raised him myself and this is the treatment I get in return.”</p>
<p>Johnny raises his eyebrows, as if he’s contemplating something. “I can’t believe he’s getting married before us.”</p>
<p>“Right?” Doyoung agrees, ignoring his heart doing gymnastics in his chest. “Can’t believe he and Mark beat us to that.”</p>
<p>Johnny laughs, loud and hearty around the rim of his reusable coffee tumbler. “We just have to make ours fancier.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Doyoung tries to occupy himself with something, moving the files on his desk on top of each other. “Should we start working on that project thing? Kun wants the details by Friday.”</p>
<p>“Or I can suck you under your desk.” Johnny offers and Doyoung knows he’s dead serious.</p>
<p>“John.” Doyoung does his best impression of being somewhat firm, but it seems like it doesn’t work on anyone anymore.</p>
<p>“Well, I offered.” Johnny shrugs, taking his pen out and setting the laptop he’s been carrying on Doyoung’s desk.</p>
<p>It’s difficult to stay professional with Johnny in such close proximity because Doyoung misses him even if they see each other most days after work. He misses him even when they are together. He wants to be with Johnny so much, as if he’s subconsciously trying to make up for the couple years of not being in each other’s lives.</p>
<p>At the same time it’s difficult to be unprofessional too. It would be too easy to just give in and have Johnny between his legs, or spread on top of his office. But the walls are thin and his office doesn’t offer the privacy he lets himself think it does. There’s no privacy with Donghyuck a door apart. And maybe once or twice when they got carried away in Doyoung’s office, had to suffer from Donghyuck’s off hand comments and wiggly eyebrows for days afterwards. Doyoung won’t subject himself to anything like this, never again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Johnny’s office, on the other hand, offers a whole lot of privacy as far as offices go. It’s a small space, a corner room with two tiny windows and Doyoung jokes that it probably used to be a broom closet.</p>
<p>But there are three key factors: A) the office is at the very end of a long corridor so people barely pass by, B) Johnny doesn’t have a secretary and also, C) people rarely bother him because, unlike Doyoung, Johnny has the pleasure to not work with his best friends (except Mark maybe, but the boy is too meek to come without notice, especially when Johnny shuts his door and the whole department knows Doyoung might be in there too).</p>
<p>That’s where they find themselves around Friday noon, right after meeting with Kun to submit the first suggestions and guidelines for the project. Johnny lures Doyoung up to the engineering department promising lunch. Doyoung finds himself perched on the sturdy desk, on top of car engine blueprints with the back of his head pressed to the window and Johnny between his legs. After the first few kisses lunch gets long forgotten.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe you fucking keep lube in your stationery drawer,” Doyoung all but moans, Johnny taking him out of his slacks with practiced motions. Too practiced, maybe.</p>
<p>“I’m practical, what to say,” Johnny smirks as they kiss again, thumb rubbing slow circles on the head of Doyoung’s cock. “And if anyone finds it by accident, that’s not my problem.”</p>
<p>“Less talking, more of this, baby,” Doyoung pulls Johnny closer by the loops of his belt, pulling his zipper down. “Lunch break is only fifteen minutes long after all.”</p>
<p>“Twenty-three if you’re the department head,” Johnny pushes Doyoung’s thighs further apart, getting closer.</p>
<p>“You can’t even last that long,” Doyoung swallows down a moan, Johnny’s lubed up palm coming around the both of them, cocks pressed together and their motions sloppy.</p>
<p>“Oh baby,” Johnny unbuttons Doyoung’s shirt, just enough to suck a hickey beneath his collarbone. “Remind me to showcase how long I can last next time we are home.”</p>
<p>“Less talking I said.” Doyoung thrusts up against Johnny and it feels good. Too good even if it’s like that, on a wooden desk, in a tiny office, with a bunch of co-workers around and the COO three offices away. It doesn’t matter though, it’s always good with Johnny.</p>
<p>They move against each other for a short while, Johnny’s thrusts turning erratic and fast, Doyoung still taking his time, enjoying Johnny’s eyes on him, enjoying their sloppy kisses and the way Johnny whines every time Doyoung pulls him by the tie, that ugly orange tie. Doyoung knows they’ll have a second round when they are at someone’s apartment later and Johnny will keep it on just to spite him.</p>
<p>Johnny comes in his palm and Doyoung feels him pulsing, feels the last of his short thrusts and comes too, a little on Johnny’s hand, a little on the desk, a little on their untucked shirts. It feels too good to think about his decency right away but when he tucks himself back into his pants and takes the elevator to his own floor he becomes excessively aware of his stained shirt and prays nobody will notice.</p>
<p>“Hand sanitizer,” he tells Taeyong who’s eyeing him suspiciously.</p>
<p>“Just wear a black shirt next time,” Taeyong laughs and Doyoung thanks every possible deity that Donghyuck is still out on his own lunch break.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is that my shirt?” Johnny asks, his chest bare as he bearhugs Doyoung who’s trying to cook dinner. Doyoung himself is in nothing but an old red tee that reaches down to his knees. He still smells the sex and sleep on himself, but he was waiting for Johnny to wake from his nap too so they could shower together. For water resources conservation purposes, of course.</p>
<p>“That?” Doyoung grinds back on Johnny’s groin and laughs when he gets his butt slapped softly. “That’s our shirt.”</p>
<p>“Is that so?” Johnny places his hands on Doyoung’s waist and turns him around. “Maybe I should steal something of yours too.”</p>
<p>“Maybe you should just move back in again.” Doyoung mutters, mouth working way faster than his mind. “I mean…”</p>
<p>He wants it. He knows he wants it. He wants to come home to Johnny and wake up to Johnny and have Fae’s scratching post blocking the corridor to the bathroom. He wants the closets to be filled to the brim with clothes like they were before. He wants to be waking up in the middle of the night to shut Johnny’s laptop and drag him back to bed. He wants everything they once had and then some more. Now that he knows Johnny won’t leave again, now that he knows Johnny wants him, Doyoung craves to have every single thing they can get out of this.</p>
<p>“Are you sure?” Johnny’s voice is gentle and his hands are still on Doyoung. They used to dance a lot in that kitchen. They used to kiss even more than they do now. They used to keep the best leftovers for each other when one wasn’t home. And after eating they would move to the living room and put some documentary on the tv and cuddle.</p>
<p>“If you are up for it,” Doyoung says, meekly. He finds himself blushing although he’s more than a hundred percent sure they are on the same page. “I’d like you too. Fae would like it too, I think.”</p>
<p>“Well, for the sake of my daughter then,” Johnny laughs into a soft kiss on top of Doyoung’s head. “I’ll move in as soon as I can, Doyoung.”</p>
<p>There are four months left on Johnny’s lease but Doyoung doesn’t mind waiting. Four months are close to nothing compared to two years. And at the times Johnny can’t come back home with him Doyoung has all the stolen shirts to wear. All the oversized shirts with the cat hair and the loose threads at the seams that smell like Johnny.</p>
<p>Life moves on as usual. The project goes well, well enough for both of them (and Kun) to get a slight raise, Johnny changes Fae’s diet and she sheds a little less, Doyoung stops ringing Johnny to let him in, Johnny’s apartment code as familiar as his own by now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Johnny has been home for quite some time when Doyoung steps inside and discards his coat. It’s a dull Monday and he knew he’d finish work too late so he told Johnny to go home instead of waiting for him. By the time work was done he was too tired and worn down and a little grumpy and he couldn’t bear returning to an empty apartment, so he drove all the way to Johnny’s giving a brief heads up instead.</p>
<p>He loosens his tie and uncuffs his sleeves crossing the dark living room and kitchen area. Johnny’s house isn’t that big but it has a great view of the city and Doyoung gives himself a few moments to admire it before he goes to the bathroom to clean his hands and face, washing the day’s grime off of himself.</p>
<p>Johnny is exactly where he expects to find him, laying on his bed with a book in his hands, reading glasses low on his nose and the curtains wide open.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Doyoung takes his slacks and shirt off, comfy enough in his undershirt and briefs. “I let myself in.”</p>
<p>Johnny gives him a bright smile and sets his book aside. “Hey baby,” he opens his arms wide and leaves Doyoung no option but to get on the bed. “How was your day?”</p>
<p>“Boring,” Doyoung throws a leg over Johnny’s lap and gets comfy on his thighs. “Probably as boring and tiring as yours.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Johnny cups his face, thumb rubbing over Doyoung’s cheek. “I had some ideas.”</p>
<p>“I’d love to hear them,” Doyoung leans for a kiss, slow, so slow he feels every single muscle in his body relaxing, tension leaving his shoulders in waves, Johnny’s tongue licking into his mouth.</p>
<p>“Was planning on smoking for a bit,” Johnny mutters against his lips and Doyoung feels wide palms moving down to rest on his hips. “Would you mind?”</p>
<p>Only then Doyoung does notice the rolled joint on the nightstand. Something they used to do a lot when they were younger, just a few times per year but he remembers the nice kind of haze, giggling with Johnny for no reason and feeling every little thing when getting intimate.</p>
<p>“I don’t,” Doyoung says, rolling his hips once, experimentally, drawing a tiny sound out of Johnny lips. Johnny’s only in shorts and a sleep shirt and the soft fabric between them granting a little friction is more comforting than a bother.</p>
<p>Johnny places the joint between his lips, one hand still holding Doyoung who picks the lighter, Johnny’s treasured ratty Zippo. The distinctive smell fills the room when Johnny takes the first drag falling back into the pillows.</p>
<p>“Wanna fuck you slow, baby,” he looks at Doyoung through hooded eyes, his lips forming a half-smile. “Want to make it feel so good, you deserve it.”</p>
<p>“Do I?” Doyoung grinds down slowly. There’s no rush to the way they move, Johnny’s hands lazily hiking up his sides sliding inside his undershirt to rub on the soft skin.</p>
<p>“Mhm,” Johnny smiles, his hips moving upwards the tiniest bit and Doyoung places a hand on his groin feeling his bulge.</p>
<p>“Remember that time, on our first company trip?” Doyoung’s fingers play with the hem of Johnny’s shirt.</p>
<p>“Gosh, I do,” Johnny leaves out a little laugh puffing smoke on Doyoung’s face. They had gotten high and fucked on the balcony, Bangkok so alive underneath them. There is a big chance some of their co-workers had seen them but it was a good time nonetheless. More than a good time.</p>
<p>Doyoung starts palming Johnny, grinding his own erection down on muscular thighs and it’s good. It’s good when they sync their little movements and it’s even better when Johnny pulls him down blowing smoke into his mouth and kissing him sloppily.</p>
<p>They move like that for a bit, lazily against each other while taking turns taking drags and it’s light but they are both tired and it doesn’t take long for it to hit and Doyoung knows that's the best kind of high.</p>
<p>Johnny feels so good in his palm when Doyoung takes him out of his shorts and strokes. Johnny’s fingers feel so good too when he lubes two of them and rubs them against Doyoung’s rim in slow circles, Doyoung’s briefs only half off.</p>
<p>And when the joint is almost completely burned and discarded in the ashtray on Johnny’s bedside table they set a new pace kissing hungrily, cocks trapped between their bodies as Johnny helps Doyoung out of his briefs and lets Doyoung ride his fingers.</p>
<p>Doyoung feels like he’s floating, Johnny’s strong arms, his long fingers the only things holding him down and at the same time he’s melting. He can feel his chest vibrating with deep moans and can hear himself, almost as if he’s watching from a third person pov, begging for Johnny’s cock inside him, his lips on Johnny’s neck, his palms pressing down on Johnny’s wide expanse of a chest. Doyoung likes it like that, when it’s all Johnny, all he can see, all he can feel, even all he can smell.</p>
<p>When Johnny finally positions himself he slides in with ease and Doyoung takes him in one smooth practised motion. He bottoms out and Doyoung’s mind goes blank, tongue now lapping over Johnny’s fingers, the ones that were coated with lube up until a few minutes ago.</p>
<p>They don’t actively fuck. They kiss and kiss, saliva running down Johnny’s chin, Doyoung’s hands pulling on soft black hair. They rock together for an infinite amount of time, Doyoung so pleasantly buzzed both by the weed running through his system and Johnny’s cock throbbing inside him. It’s cathartic after a few shitty weeks at work. Doyoung’s mind clears out and his body relaxes in ways it doesn’t even after a good night’s sleep or a warm bath.</p>
<p>It gets even messier when Johnny comes still deep inside Doyoung, dripping down the sheets but Doyoung doesn’t mind. He feels how Johnny’s stomach flexes until he calms down and even when he starts going soft Doyoung doesn’t get off of him. They just stop moving completely, Doyoung enjoying the feeling of Johnny still inside him, not even caring about his own orgasm. It’s just good to exist like this, good to feel so close and intimate, to have slow lazy sex like they don’t have a care in the world.</p>
<p>“Come on baby,” Johnny whispers, almost purrs, into his ear, “let me make you feel good.”</p>
<p>When Johnny’s hand wraps around him Doyoung collapses, arms thrown over Johnny’s shoulders and mouth on his throat sucking a hickey that’ll stay there for days. A subtle reminder of a good time. Something for Johnny to spot when dressing for work and smile to himself.</p>
<p>Doyoung comes too, unceremoniously but feeling so sated, Johnny a big warm mass underneath him and he just wishes this moment would last forever, separating himself from Johnny almost physically painful.</p>
<p>They don’t bother to shower or clean their mess, both too sleepy and bone-deep exhausted to move an inch more than the absolutely needed to cuddle. There, nested in Johnny’s arms, Doyoung feels the best. Protected and loved and all the good things and Johnny’s smile is the last thing he thinks of before drifting to sleep, a hand rhythmically drawing circles on his back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Johnny’s lease eventually ends and then there are a dozen boxes in Doyoung’s living room and a cat that meows in delight running up and down every familiar room.</p>
<p>“No more shirt stealing,” Johnny takes a tee from Doyoung’s hands and hangs it at his own side. They both know damn well that the closet will be a mess by the end of the month. When they lived together before they even used to take each other’s button ups to wear to work. Johnny’s pink one must be the most collectively worn work garment out of everything either of them owns.</p>
<p>“Your dad is a big meanie,” Doyoung picks up Fae and lets her nuzzle on his shoulder. “He won’t let me steal his shirts.” She meows.</p>
<p>“Thought you were on my side!” Johnny places a hand on his heart, dramatic. “Unbelievable, my own daughter.”</p>
<p>“Gotta side with the step-daddy sometimes.” Doyoung sits on the bed, lets Fae curl up on his legs and watches Johnny unpack the last of his clothes.</p>
<p>Deep down in the closet the little box is still there. Doyoung hasn’t touched it in years. Moving in together again is a big step. One more step towards Doyoung diving down and fetching that little box.</p>
<p>“I’m taking us out for dinner on Friday,” Johnny shakes him out of his thoughts.</p>
<p>“What’s the occasion?” Johnny’s idea of dinner ranges from a hot dog stand in the middle of the park to the most high class restaurant he can afford, so Doyoung always needs a heads-up on the dress code and general vibe.</p>
<p>“Ten recommended it to me,” Johnny folds some pairs of underwear to tuck in their drawers. “They went with Taemin a while ago and liked it a lot, just a casual seafood place.”</p>
<p>“And you were craving seafood?” Fae kneads on Doyoung’s thighs and he wonders if she knows something he doesn’t.</p>
<p>“A bit?” Johnny shrugs. “Uhm…the place is at Gunsan.”</p>
<p>“At Gunsan.” Doyoung deadpans.</p>
<p>“Let’s take Friday off and stay till Sunday.”</p>
<p>Doyoung hasn’t taken a day off in years. Not except that one time he was seriously down with the flu. He knows Johnny doesn’t take days off either. But damn, if Johnny wants them to go to Gunsan who is Doyoung to say no.</p>
<p>“And Fae?” Doyoung pets the smooth fur. She doesn’t do well apart from Johnny and that’s the main reason he took custody when he left instead of letting her stay with Doyoung.</p>
<p>“Uncle Taeil agreed to babysit,” Johnny smiles. Taeil, Johnny’s close friend from college was always up for that kind of thing and Doyoung feels bad he hasn’t properly contacted him in years.</p>
<p>“You have already arranged everything and I can’t say no I guess?”</p>
<p>“That’s right.” Johnny beams. “Just you and me and the sea and mountains of shrimps for a few days.”</p>
<p>They really take Friday off, much to Donghyuck’s surprise.</p>
<p>“Leaving me alone with all the paperwork just to eat some shrimps and Johnny’s-“</p>
<p>“It’s really good to take time off for yourselves,” Taeyong cuts Donghyuck off.  It’s Thursday afternoon and Doyoung had just left a huge stack with the remaining work on Donghyuck’s desk. “Take care and come with your batteries full, Doyoung.”</p>
<p>Doyoung sticks his tongue out at Donghyuck, but the younger still hugs him goodbye and wishes him a great time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>On Friday morning they take Johnny’s car and drive all the way down. There are old CDs still stored in the glove department, filled with hits from when they had first started dating and Johnny used to burn their favourite music on disks. They didn’t have too many responsibilities or hours of work back then and trips were their monthly thing when they could make ends meet.</p>
<p>Now they are in the car, both singing their hearts out, running at the almost empty highway with the weekday morning rush hour long gone.</p>
<p>“My back hurts some mornings,” Johnny says when they slow down, a hand hanging out of the window as he takes slow drag of a cigarette from the pack he keeps in his car. “We’re getting old, Doyoung.”</p>
<p>“Shut up, John,” Doyoung lights one for himself too. “We’re going on a road trip to eat shrimps and walk along the shoreline and fuck on our huge hotel bed, we’re just teenagers with extra money.”</p>
<p>“You think so?” Johnny lowers the music, sunglasses keeping his expression hidden.</p>
<p>“I’ll give you a massage tonight and you’ll be as good as new.”</p>
<p>“Remember when we were young and thought that after we made enough money and started getting tired we’d run away from everything, buy a little house in the woods and work odd jobs to feed our cats and dogs?”</p>
<p>“We’re knee deep in the capitalistic shit now, baby,” Doyoung laughs puffing the smoke out of the window.</p>
<p>Johnny doesn’t reply and Doyoung keeps the rest of his thoughts to himself. Maybe one day he’ll let Johnny know that all he needs is one word. If Johnny is serious about leaving, HR will have Doyoung’s resignation papers on their desks by the next morning.</p>
<p>“Let’s enjoy this weekend to the fullest, then,” Johnny says instead, taking the final turn to their hotel overlooking the sea. No emails or phone calls or stressing over deadlines. Just Doyoung and his boyfriend and three days solely to dote on each other.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The weekend comes and goes fast and Sunday evening finds Doyoung behind the wheel of Johnny’s car, Johnny napping next to him. They had their fun and they relaxed and Doyoung thinks that this is as close as it goes to being completely sated over spending time with Johnny.</p>
<p>They walked along the docks, boats rocking on calm water, hands intertwined between them and Johnny told Doyoung he loved him. They went to restaurants and bars and a club on Saturday night and made out against walls and stall doors and Doyoung felt more alive than he had in years. They woke up too late and made out on the bed until Johnny had to put a robe on to fetch their breakfast from room service.</p>
<p>“I would ask you to marry me right here,” Johnny had told him on Friday night, both a little tipsy as they stumbled back to their room. “But we have to wait for Hyuckie and Markie now, so our wedding is even better.”</p>
<p>Doyoung had laughed for a moment before suddenly sobering up. “You want to marry me?”</p>
<p>“Of course, silly,” Johnny had stopped in his tracks, hands coming up to Doyoung’s face. “There isn’t another single person out there in the entire world for me, only you, always you.”</p>
<p>“I bought you a ring,” Doyoung had muttered, wondering if they would remember the conversation the next morning. “Before you left, a little before you left I was so ready to ask you.”</p>
<p>“I have a ring for you too,” Johnny kisses the crown of his head. “When the right time comes we’ll know.”</p>
<p>Doyoung remembers the conversation the next morning, remembers it clear as a day, but they don’t talk about it, there’s no need to. He knows Johnny’s not slipping from his fingers ever again, he’s not going away. And their new kind of normality resumes for them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How is it?” Taeyong asks over tea. “Living with the love of your life again?”</p>
<p>Doyoung giggles around his own mug, watching as Taeyong goes through the stack of photos Johnny developed. Most of them are from their trip but there are others too. Doyoung with Fae on the carpet, playing together with a bunch of colourful feathers. A shaky shot of Johnny cooking moments before he pulled Doyoung in for a kiss. A selfie of them in the park with a bunch of ducks behind them. A picture of two drinks set on the table at their favourite café.</p>
<p>“Feels like a dream.” Fae is at their feet, purring loudly for attention and Taeyong picks her up, kissing her little fluffy head. They are in Doyoung’s and Johnny’s place, Johnny out with Mark and Donghyuck. “Johnny has been…it’s been…”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Taeyong smiles, taking Doyoung’s hands into his own. “You both deserve this.”</p>
<p>It’s cold outside, but the heating is on in the apartment. There are pots on the stove and soon Johnny and Mark and Donghyuck will be back and they’ll be having lunch all together, something they haven’t done in years. Doyoung is wearing Johnny’s oversized shirt and a pair of fluffy socks that aren’t his own, either. The photos are still spread on the kitchen table.</p>
<p>“We should take some photos all together,” Doyoung plays with the stray threads at the hem of Taeyong’s cardigan. “Time to frame some so the walls won’t be that empty.” They used to be full of photos before Johnny left and Doyoung took them down, threw some away and hid the rest in the depths of the closet. It’s about time they put up new ones.</p>
<p>The living room door opens, both Doyoung and Taeyong leaning back on their chairs to take a peek as the wonderful sound of Johnny and Donghyuck bickering fills the room. Mark is following them carrying a handful of bags, Fae jumping down from Taeyong’s lap and running to greet them.</p>
<p>It’s been so long and Doyoung realizes he hasn’t only been missing Johnny, he’s missed everything, from Johnny’s little good mornings to their friends not walking on eggshells when asking him how he’s doing, when mentioning that yeah, they do keep in contact with Johnny and he’s doing well.</p>
<p>Now Doyoung doesn’t have to spend sleepless nights cause Johnny is right there to hold him. He doesn’t have to feel bad about turning people down because his love is right there, sometimes humming in the kitchen, sometimes bothering his secretary.</p>
<p>“Hey, baby,” Johnny walks next to him and leans for a brief kiss. “It smells so good in here.”</p>
<p>“The oldies are being gross,” Donghyuck snickers and Mark elbows him. “What!”</p>
<p>“They’re gonna feed us, Hyuckie,” Mark says and smiles up to their hyungs. “Be nice.”</p>
<p>“Fine,” Donghyuck pouts, but the next moment he’s already sprawled on Doyoung’s lap being clingy, Taeyong letting Johnny try the stew while Mark slumps on a chair. “I’m gonna grace you with my presence until me and Mark leave for our honeymoon and never come back.”</p>
<p>Mark looks at Donghyuck with the softest of smiles while Donghyuck bubbles away about wedding invitation colours and cakes. He doesn’t know he’s being looked at and Doyoung wonders if that’s how he looks at Johnny too. If that’s the way Johnny’s expression turns when Doyoung isn’t paying attention. If this is how love looks like, just a brief glance and a small smile in the midst of all the big things.</p>
<p>For the longest while Doyoung thought they had fallen two years behind. That he and Johnny had two years to catch up to, both within themselves and their own relationship and with the world around them. But he’s coming to terms with a reality that is different. There’s no time limit and no deadline. Not to their relationship, not to rings, not to running away and living in the forest, even.</p>
<p>Right then, in their crowded kitchen, everything is just right. Maybe things would be different if Johnny hadn’t left or if Doyoung had called, there are countless maybes but Doyoung doesn’t have to clutch his pillow on a too-big bed and think of them anymore.</p>
<p>Right then and there, Johnny’s laugher echoing loud and clear in the room is the sole indicator Doyoung needs. They are right on time to spend the rest of their lives together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading!<br/>You can find me <a href="https://twitter.com/kuns_dimples">here</a>!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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